Sunday, November 21, 2010

On The Death Of My Father



We were never close,
you and I;
the walls between us -
so thick, so high, so impenetrable;
the words you could never speak,
the anger burning me up from the inside,
that, with a letter, cast aside years ago,
finally buried at a simple "I'm sorry";
now, you are but ash and memory,
and I've many miles yet to walk.


©2010  Michael Shelby

Winter


With each degree drop in the temperature,

with each flake of snow that falls from the sky,

another stone weighs on my shattered soul;

buried under a fallen wall of dreams,

hope suffocates.



©2010 Michael Shelby

For PLG



Like  leaves fallen in an October wind
dreams came not to fruition
rather a drought destroyed harvest
fouled by granary rats

Roads leading not where I started
ending not where I stopped
taking me places not intended
places not imagined

Not to be bound and shackled
my boots always near the door
searching for true love
fleeing commitment

Songs of restlessness and rambling
tales meant for open highways
crossing half a nation seeking you
leaving to return a broken mind

Near four decades ago
did you blow out of the dust bowl
claimed by love or
doomed by the needle buried in your arm


©Michael Shelby 2010

And You...And I...

And you...
what private hell enslaves you
bound by lies
within walls of self-deceit
which are the demons that inhabit your dreamscape
nightmares you scour from your memory
a darkness that dwells within
a darkness just behind the facade

And I...
bound by chains of self doubt
bound by expectations
unreachable
demons lurk
nightmares walk along side me
no drug to ease the pain
I must go on
alone
rejected and replaced



©2010 Michael Shelby

May I Stay Awhile?

It's closing time, I know
but, please, may I stay awhile,
it's cold and blowing snow,
you've coffee left yet, and
I've no place to go.

Just an empty flat
where the ghosts are active,
the memories painful;
please, may I stay,
I'd gladly help clean up,
please don't shut me out,
no coat will keep out the cold,
no light drive away the darkness.

I was so lonely in her arms,
yet so lost without them,
please, may I stay awhile?



©2010  Michael Shelby

The Key

Who is it
who is it
that holds the key to my heart?
Locked away inside my mind
inside time
a faberge egg
chinese puzzle box
Rubik's cube
all in one
outside time
sands in the hourglass
slip away as water washes
away the solid of stone
a paper lantern
flame burned
high in the wind
scattering ashes
away
away
who is it
who is it
that I search for
searches for me
holds the key to my heart.


© 2009 Michael Shelby

Visions Of Fanaticism

Rapture blinded
your mouths bleed hatred
suppurating wounds
will not drain the perversity of your soul

Supplicants seeking succor
from the pages of myth
sub-vocal drivel suffuses your mind
no sanctuary from reality
as on bended knees
no one hears your endless pleas

In the name of your god
you betray your nation
you defile the flag in which you wrap yourself
as you defecate upon the rights of others
claiming acceptance of the holy roman whore
the christ murdering jew
you would deny them the kingdom you claim
the godless, the sodomites, the fornicators
you execute and desecrate

I am not of your world
I am not of your world
I am not of your world

© 2009 Michael Shelby

We Will Always Have Coffee

As I watch
from my window
for the last time
I see you pass by
and so
I raise
in salute
a cup of coffee
a tribute
as it were
to the many we shared

The love I still hold
for you
love you could not return
remains constant
knowing that I
must
let
you
go
for you
it seems
you
have given your heart
to another

That it be cherished
treated kindly in all things
respected and cared for
bringing boundless happiness
this
for you
is my wish

As I must leave
you dwell in memories
move on
seeking to find
from another
that which
you
could
not
give to me



© 2009 Michael Shelby


In Darkness I Dwell

In darkness I dwell
walking within shadows
unknown
yet, not unknowable
unseen
yet, not invisible
just forgotten
forgotten
long ago days
days when dreams might reach fruition
days when love was at hand
I dwelt in light
walking in hope
nothing now remains
but memories
the wreckage of aspiration
and
these
words
that spill from my soul.



© 2009 Michael Shelby

A Paean To St. Valentine's Day

For everyone who, like myself, will spend St. Valentine's Day alone.

Savor carefully that in life which is sweet, for it is also fleeting.






life, they say, is the journey
not the destination

met upon tangled paths
twisted roads
a singer who has lost the song
carries a candle, it's flame gone
love, he says,
is an affliction without cure
a day without light
a blizzard in July
not a natural thing
simply a bad habit
a customary ritual
leaving eyes red
that once were blue
words cannot tell the full measure
if you would but lay your hand upon my cheek
gaze once again into my eyes
then
perhaps
you might understand


© 2009 Michael Shelby

Ain't Life Grand?

ain't life grand
you got no love
when you got no money
and you got no luck
ain't life grand
who really gives a fuck

gone down to the corner
looking to score
ain't no one there
just a ragged old whore
she got no weed
to fill your need

it really ain't clear
but maybe some beer
that might dull the pain
keep you out of the rain
they might say you're hazy
more than likely, actually crazy

you gonna go back home
but your house ain't to be found
seems it burned to the fuckin' ground
this life, it ain't worth it
this game you can't play
nowhere to go, nowhere to stay

ain't life grand
you got no love
when you got no money
and you got no luck
ain't life grand
who really gives a fuck

© 2009  Michael Shelby

24 Dec.

A fleeting thought
a cold, lonely night
a voice will echo through
vacuous urban canyons
the forsaken seek the sacred whores
no place to be
no one to be
with
drift like vampires in the darkness -
Christmas eve in the city


©2008 Michael Shelby

Saddly...It Was Just A Dream

Just another slightly modified re-post.



Sadly...It Was Just a Dream


In a dream, as deeply I slept,
you came to me;
I felt your lips softly brush my cheek,
it seemed then that my eyes fluttered open, and
I saw the emerald green of your own;
I thought I heard the breaking of waves
over an empty beach,
the water filling the footprints earlier left
as we strolled hand in hand,
feeling the warm spring breezes
whispering secret words
meant only for you and me;
clouds, like cotton candy,
skittered across a cerulean sky
tinged in fiery orange,
as the last light slips beneath the water;
the moon rises,
a glow reflected from the whitecaps
now crashing upon the shore;
the firelight beckons,
a bottle of merlot awaits...


© 2008 Michael Shelby

When Red Is Red

The following poem is a re-post to which I've made some minor changes.


When Red is Red




When red is red...

she walks quietly along the shore
listening to the ocean's pounding roar
she knows well the lonesome highway song
seeking where, and how to belong
watching as the moon crosses the sky
pausing, she takes a moment to cry
desperate that it won't be just another game
she asks quietly, shyly, his name
stopping, she reaches out for love
waiting, watching the flight of a dove
she plans around him all of her dreams
they crumble away, fading into schemes
watching friendships pale into smoke
speaking doubts, words on which to choke
she kneels each night in despair
believing not a  soul to care
laying the blade softly upon the nightstand
drifting, she prays to find her sacred land
crystal tears shine in the dust
crimson pools betray the trust
no more chances to take
no more hearts to break
a partial note upon the bed:
when red is red

©2007 Michael Shelby

Love And Words

late  night
thinking
too much scotch
remembering
the women I've loved
some
just for a night
some
forever
all gone now
most with others
love and words
not enough to hold them

for the best
I suppose
none would have lasted -

one so young
not yet knowing her mind
another hides still
in her church
behind her Bible
one filled with rage
touched by insanity
this one
this one I married
and yet
I loved her least of them all

what she took from me
what she denied me
what is forever lost to me -

my child
soon you would turn thirty
yet
you never took a breath
felt the sun warm your face
caught a snowflake on your tongue
never saw the love in my eyes
felt safe gently enfolded in my arms

I'm sorry
my child
that I never knew you
never gazed upon your face

I'm sorry

© Michael Shelby  2008

Hope



Daylight shifts
clouds dance across my eyelids
dying embers
paint forbidden ghosts
etched in memory
etched in sorrow
In a world filled with hate
crystalline white dusts reds and golds
the autumnal vista
a rail thin man of color has shouldered a burden
half run to help
half cower in hate and fear
barriers torn down
to the future
the trains run free
can hope survive?
keep hope alive
can hope thrive?
keep hope alive
live the dream?
yes, we can!


© 2008 Michael Shelby

Words In The Wind

Searching for words
to fit my song
hopeful of finding
those that belong

just the right tone
just the right sound
just the right feel

they may live in a dictionary, but
that's not where I search
the words I seek
are in the wind
in the rain
hiding in the shadows of night
sometimes falling
as leaves from a tree
on long walks
I'll search under rocks
do the words slumber?
dwelling, perhaps, in dreams
in the dark corners of a twisted mind
beneath the shattered pieces of a broken heart
in places where the light dares not enter
perhaps they await the light of day

and so I remain
searching for words
to fit my song
hopeful of finding
those that belong.



© 2008 Michael Shelby

Forgive Me

Changing leaves
in the sunshine
brightly burning...
summer's funeral pyre

a lonely voice
calls to me
from the autumnal haze
near the river
a wistful mist rises
ethereally
memories
dance in my mind
ghosts of the past
luminous
from the sunken galleon
of my life
FORGIVE ME
FORGIVE ME
I cry
the pain I caused
was never intended
rumination
changes nothing
bringing only more pain
harsh words
burn and scar my soul
FORGIVE ME
FORGIVE ME

I weep with the gray skies
bleeding rain
bleeding pain


© 2008 Michael Shelby

Thirty-five Years



The sun is shining
hot winds blowing
chocolate bars melt

death structures await
weapons are loaded
bullets flying
young men dying
children crying

graves are dug
young men buried
prayers said

Do the dead dream of the living?




© 2008 Michael Shelby

Truck Stop Blues...Circa 1972

Strong, bitter coffee
amped up rig jocks
strung out rednecks

razor's edge cold
blizzard rages outside
highway is empty 
table is dirty

my eyes hang heavy

the man at the counter says
I gotta go

fuck him


© 2008 Michael Shelby

Secrets

Hurting those about whom I care
not wanting to
not meaning to

and so I walked
yet where I walked
I know not
and
it was revealed to me
that which I do not
understand
that which
perhaps
I cannot understand
secrets
unshared
never
shared
not to be known

not to be known
as clouds
as stars
out of reach

© 2008 Michael Shelby

When All Is Said And Done

Each evening I watch the southward journey
of the setting sun
minute by minute
summer dwindles away
 when finally the sun has set
darkness closes in, and
the day is over
When all is said and done
all that remains
is the bitterness
of my loneliness -

I will give my heart
no more
for she to whom I would give it
has no wish to hold it.


© 2008  Michael Shelby

Fear Reigns

Timorous
indecisive
curse the past
I don't know the right thing to do

(did I ever?)

a new friend
so hard to come by

hands thrown in the air
confusion reigns over me
rains down on me
arrows falling from the sky
pierced to the core of my uncertainty
fear in the air
like the stench of fresh vomit

exchanging words over dinner
later over coffee

hands frozen over the keyboard
fingers like dry twigs
brittle, useless

I want to be in your company again

so easily confident at first
where did it go
did I miss a sign
did I not make a signal
words unspoken
failure to communicate
malfunction junction
lost and inadequate
what the fuck
?

© 2008 Michael Shelby

What Is To Come



From the north
winding winds rage
leaves
golden
twirling
swirling
dancing down the street
ashen sky
laden with a threat of snow
heavy head
eyes brushing the concrete
walking
alone
as always
seeking comfort
respite from tarnished dreams
perhaps
a smile

© 2008 Michael Shelby

The Ice Cream

I watched a little girl
eating an ice cream cone
she was careless
dropping the ice cream
her eyes a cloudburst
her daddy watched
his eyes
complete indifference
my heart breaks for her &
I wonder
how much more disappointment
life holds for her
who else she will love
will be indifferent to her pain &
who will buy her another ice cream?
©Michael Shelby 2008

Apologies To Buk



Rambling
stumbling down a street
drunk again
I think
I tripped over the crack
of dawn
in the park I watched
two women
holding hands
pretty
smiling
very happy it seemed
walking into the rising sun
damn it
my apartment must be near
stumbling again
birds
is that the aviary
I'm staggering the wrong way
I'm near her home again
have to go
I'm not wanted here
was I ever?


© 2008 Michael Shelby

The Poet

Spinning webs of words,
constructs and contrivances,
weaving tapestries of emotion,
of image,
words on paper
from the depths of my soul,
portraits painted,
a palette of twenty-six letters
splattered, ala Pollack,
across a lined canvas,
my life, my story
in couplet, in verse,
played as a harp, or
a piano of verbs and nouns,
a symphony of words
tales of unrequited love,
of the swells of passion,
words to win hearts,
to challenge minds,
to get me laid,
to piss you off,
to fuck you up,
to outrage,
to pacify,
these make my concerto,
my song sans melody,
I am
the poet.

© 2008 Michael Shelby